Just when I start to feel that my paid work is so secular, so unrelated to my Christian values and what makes my life joyful, something meaningful happens. It’s as though God wants to make sure that I don’t forget that I am His instrument, wherever I go and whatever work I engage in. Like today, a day like many others, where I am working in a corporate environment on a project whose meaning is related to financial measures and high performance. After a jam-packed agenda I am packing up and find myself in a one-on-one conversation with an executive. It’s a very serious and business-like conversation with a virtual stranger, but the talk shifted quickly.
I don’t even remember how it happened. I made a chance remark about children, we shared some common parental insights and I made a polite inquiry about family size. All of a sudden I was hearing about the death of a child. Something that happened almost 20 years ago – but on this very day. I listened. I empathized. Tears filled our eyes. I gave a chance for someone, at noon hour on a very busy work day, to pause and give tribute to a 3 year old son that they really, really missed.
I didn’t witness directly – Lord knows my professional ethics mean I have to maintain a neutral stance. But I believe I demonstrated what a Christian is and does when confronted with the pain of another human being. I stopped working, and connected with another human being. In retrospect, I confess that I talked too much and listened too little. In an effort to show empathy and hide discomfort I shared too quickly my own second-hand experiences with the death of a child. Not nearly close enough. But as we shook hands goodbye I knew that the heartfelt conversation would be the most important of my day.
Jill Malleck is a Coach and Organization Development consultant whose company Epiphany at Work provides development solutions that accelerate positive change for individuals and work groups.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Soft on the Inside--Hard on the Outside
I remember my first opportunity to be in senior leadership – I wanted the role, but I didn’t want it. My fear was that I would lose who I was as a leader currently; that is, I would have to become so tough and hard in order to cope that my softer side would not have any space. I was just beginning to discover that it was important to me to be who I was as a leader – a Christian woman who valued the ‘soft’ side of relationship and leadership.
That was more than 15 years ago and still for me the quintessential question is: What does a Christian woman in leadership look like? It has been a wonderful journey and God has provided many answers to that question along the way.
Recently I have been reflecting on another ‘answer’ to that question. The past five years in leadership have really challenged me in my faith, my courage, my stamina, and my belief in myself. At times I wanted to build a shell so hard around me that nothing could penetrate; at other times, I would feel vulnerable and exposed and didn’t know how to find the support and help I needed. Because I didn’t want to lose what I valued in leadership, I began to think about how to become ‘hard on the outside’ (so that I wouldn’t be demobilized by the stresses and hurts of leadership) while remaining ‘soft on the inside’ (retaining attributes like vulnerability, empathy, caring and affection). I didn’t see how one could have the hardness without giving up the softness.
One day my good friend and coach gave me an analogy to reflect on – the Ocean Oyster. As you know, the oyster has a very hard outer shell, but when it opens up, you see the soft inside. The oyster has to live in a very stressful environment yet somehow they retain that inner softness. And they do this even though they have to open themselves up to feed so they can continue living. This was perfect – I wanted to be just like that Ocean Oyster!
But the other interesting thing about oysters is that they produce beautiful pearls over time from the grit and ‘hard things’ that find their way past the shell into the soft inside. This too felt familiar but it didn’t feel like I was producing any pearls from my experiences; it just felt like my soft inside was being destroyed.
My understanding is that the oyster, when the ‘hard thing’ makes its way past the shell into the soft side, it doesn’t reject it. Instead, it takes it in, wraps itself around it, works with it and over time, a pearl is produced. This too felt right – why go through the trials of leadership if they can’t produce something worthwhile in your life, in your character, and in your leadership. All the more reason why I wanted to be just like that Ocean Oyster!
I have learned over time that you need a hard shell in leadership but that doesn’t mean that you have to be hard on the inside. And I have also learned that you need to open up your shell to let in the ‘hard things’ so that your soft side can wrap itself around it, work with it, try to understand it, be vulnerable with it, and then make something beautiful out of it – say, the pearls of Christian women in leadership.
While I don’t always know what it looks like to do this, I do know that I want to be more like that Ocean Oyster.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything…. Blessed are those who persevere under trials, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:2-4, 12
Pat Webb is the Director of Development at McMaster Divinity College
That was more than 15 years ago and still for me the quintessential question is: What does a Christian woman in leadership look like? It has been a wonderful journey and God has provided many answers to that question along the way.
Recently I have been reflecting on another ‘answer’ to that question. The past five years in leadership have really challenged me in my faith, my courage, my stamina, and my belief in myself. At times I wanted to build a shell so hard around me that nothing could penetrate; at other times, I would feel vulnerable and exposed and didn’t know how to find the support and help I needed. Because I didn’t want to lose what I valued in leadership, I began to think about how to become ‘hard on the outside’ (so that I wouldn’t be demobilized by the stresses and hurts of leadership) while remaining ‘soft on the inside’ (retaining attributes like vulnerability, empathy, caring and affection). I didn’t see how one could have the hardness without giving up the softness.
One day my good friend and coach gave me an analogy to reflect on – the Ocean Oyster. As you know, the oyster has a very hard outer shell, but when it opens up, you see the soft inside. The oyster has to live in a very stressful environment yet somehow they retain that inner softness. And they do this even though they have to open themselves up to feed so they can continue living. This was perfect – I wanted to be just like that Ocean Oyster!
But the other interesting thing about oysters is that they produce beautiful pearls over time from the grit and ‘hard things’ that find their way past the shell into the soft inside. This too felt familiar but it didn’t feel like I was producing any pearls from my experiences; it just felt like my soft inside was being destroyed.
My understanding is that the oyster, when the ‘hard thing’ makes its way past the shell into the soft side, it doesn’t reject it. Instead, it takes it in, wraps itself around it, works with it and over time, a pearl is produced. This too felt right – why go through the trials of leadership if they can’t produce something worthwhile in your life, in your character, and in your leadership. All the more reason why I wanted to be just like that Ocean Oyster!
I have learned over time that you need a hard shell in leadership but that doesn’t mean that you have to be hard on the inside. And I have also learned that you need to open up your shell to let in the ‘hard things’ so that your soft side can wrap itself around it, work with it, try to understand it, be vulnerable with it, and then make something beautiful out of it – say, the pearls of Christian women in leadership.
While I don’t always know what it looks like to do this, I do know that I want to be more like that Ocean Oyster.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything…. Blessed are those who persevere under trials, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:2-4, 12
Pat Webb is the Director of Development at McMaster Divinity College
Thursday, January 17, 2008
DARE: The Only Logical Theme After the Past 3 Leading Women Conferences!
You know how snow accumulates, sometimes gently…other times with a vengeance, until the whole landscape is transformed?
I’ve been part of Leading Women (LW) Conferences- almost from the start and the sum total of these experiences has made a lasting impression on me. I’d like to share a few snippets with you.
How It All Began
In 2001, a small group of daring women partnered to “call women across Canada together to celebrate our leadership, profile Canadian leaders and be inspired!”
In 10 short months, they dared to
o Launch the first Canadian Christian Leadership Conference for women.
o Feature Canadian speakers. (What- No big International names?!)
o Aggressively seek out sponsorships -balance excellence with affordability.
o Bring leaders from the ministry and marketplace spheres together to learn from each other.
o Use innovative ways to learn and process together.
o Give out LW Awards to leaders from all walks of life- rich and famous, poor and hidden, young and old, professional and volunteer...
An Inkling in 2002
I bawled through the Awards Ceremony- when have Christian leaders ever been celebrated like this?! The recipients were so inspiring, yet very ordinary and humble. They were boldly using their unique gifts and skills in significant ways.
► Could God do something similar through someone… like me?
Dawning Realization in 2004
Right from the first song through to the end, there was an electric excitement in the air. Colleen and Grace led us in “The Days of Elijah” with what became our clarion call:
¯ These are the days of Deborah
Leading an army of faith
And these are the days of your servant Esther
Born for a time such as this
► I am! For what purpose?
Persistent Threads in 2006
The Pacesetter Interviews packed such a punch that we could not ignore the message which was reiterated by the Award recipients:
Become unbalanced!
Invite Bugs to fight Apathy
Remove the walls between work, home and faith
Witness all the time, use words if necessary
“Who are ‘the poor’ for me?”
And, the response:
I commission you:
�� to discover afresh God’s original plan for your life, and to embrace it
�� to realize you have a world-altering purpose
�� in the power of the Holy Spirit, to soar above any set-backs and obstacles with a confidence clothed in humility
I commission you - in Jesus’ Name to:
�� let God make you uncomfortable
�� be willing to live the incarnational life
�� open your eyes – be awakened
�� to allow Christ to live His life fully in you so that it will be said of you as it was of Jesus,
“The Word became flesh and moved into our neighbourhood.” John 1:14 (The Message)
*Excerpts from LW 2006 Closing Prayer: Eileen Stewart-Rhude
► I Dare! Will you join me?
Sharon Johnson skjohnson@rogers.com
Facilitator for NextLEVEL Leadership
Venturing into a new career with refugees in her hometown
I’ve been part of Leading Women (LW) Conferences- almost from the start and the sum total of these experiences has made a lasting impression on me. I’d like to share a few snippets with you.
How It All Began
In 2001, a small group of daring women partnered to “call women across Canada together to celebrate our leadership, profile Canadian leaders and be inspired!”
In 10 short months, they dared to
o Launch the first Canadian Christian Leadership Conference for women.
o Feature Canadian speakers. (What- No big International names?!)
o Aggressively seek out sponsorships -balance excellence with affordability.
o Bring leaders from the ministry and marketplace spheres together to learn from each other.
o Use innovative ways to learn and process together.
o Give out LW Awards to leaders from all walks of life- rich and famous, poor and hidden, young and old, professional and volunteer...
An Inkling in 2002
I bawled through the Awards Ceremony- when have Christian leaders ever been celebrated like this?! The recipients were so inspiring, yet very ordinary and humble. They were boldly using their unique gifts and skills in significant ways.
► Could God do something similar through someone… like me?
Dawning Realization in 2004
Right from the first song through to the end, there was an electric excitement in the air. Colleen and Grace led us in “The Days of Elijah” with what became our clarion call:
¯ These are the days of Deborah
Leading an army of faith
And these are the days of your servant Esther
Born for a time such as this
► I am! For what purpose?
Persistent Threads in 2006
The Pacesetter Interviews packed such a punch that we could not ignore the message which was reiterated by the Award recipients:
Become unbalanced!
Invite Bugs to fight Apathy
Remove the walls between work, home and faith
Witness all the time, use words if necessary
“Who are ‘the poor’ for me?”
And, the response:
I commission you:
�� to discover afresh God’s original plan for your life, and to embrace it
�� to realize you have a world-altering purpose
�� in the power of the Holy Spirit, to soar above any set-backs and obstacles with a confidence clothed in humility
I commission you - in Jesus’ Name to:
�� let God make you uncomfortable
�� be willing to live the incarnational life
�� open your eyes – be awakened
�� to allow Christ to live His life fully in you so that it will be said of you as it was of Jesus,
“The Word became flesh and moved into our neighbourhood.” John 1:14 (The Message)
*Excerpts from LW 2006 Closing Prayer: Eileen Stewart-Rhude
► I Dare! Will you join me?
Sharon Johnson skjohnson@rogers.com
Facilitator for NextLEVEL Leadership
Venturing into a new career with refugees in her hometown
Monday, January 7, 2008
Beliefs That Balance
“You can’t please all the people all the time…especially if the people are your relatives.”
Peggy Grall
Ah, January. A time when we lovingly reflect on those warm, relaxing, family-filled holidays just past…and feel refreshed and ready for the New Year. What? You didn’t have one of those? Hum...why not? Let me guess…too busy? Were there just too many trips to the mall, functions to attend, people to buy for and client lunches to smile through to really enjoy the time? And, are you back at your desk, five pounds heavier, 27 hours short of sleep and vowing never, never to do that again?
If this sounds familiar, you just might be a charter member of the Perfection Party. That’s right, you heard me…now check your wallet for a membership card. The Perfection Party is chucked full of women (often previous members of the Little League of Perfect Girls) who spring out of bed every morning determined to ‘have it all’.
Be honest now. Are you trying to break the corporate glass ceiling, keep an immaculate house, raise brilliant, well-adjusted children, manage noteworthy community involvement, hunt down or hold on to a ‘soul mate’, max out your RSP contributions, sport the latest fashion, lustrous hair and white teeth - and the waistline you had at twenty one - all while deepening your spiritual practice? Come on…is that realistic? Seriously?
If you’re ready to give up your membership then consider re-deciding what you believe about what you really need to be content and fulfilled as you move through this part of your life.
Unless your core beliefs change-nothing changes. To change what you feel and do, you must first understand what you believe. Your belief system is everything you think about yourself, others and the world around you. Your beliefs fuel your mental engine, dictate your feelings and behaviors and provide the foundation for how you approach your world. Our beliefs are - in a word – powerful!
Belief systems are formed in childhood and acted out in adulthood. As children, we look around at what happens and draw conclusions about what it all means; these childhood conclusions become our adult belief systems. And - unless they’re challenged – they remain fixed. The best time to challenge your beliefs is around 35 – 55. By the time a woman has reached her mid point (and you can define that at any age you want) she is ready to take her beliefs out, dust them off and shine the bright light of maturity and experience on them.
So, what beliefs do you have that are affecting how you maintain balance – or not? What’s really important in your life? What are your top three values; those relationships, causes or pursuits that you simply must be part of to feel whole and alive? And, what would be a challenging, yet reasonable schedule for you now? It doesn’t really matter what Mom said or what the neighbors are doing. You get to decide what makes sense for you now. Start today to overhaul outdated, limiting beliefs and embrace 2008 with the clarity of an adult woman!
Peggy Grall is a Certified Executive coach. View her website at www.justchangeit.com
Peggy Grall
Ah, January. A time when we lovingly reflect on those warm, relaxing, family-filled holidays just past…and feel refreshed and ready for the New Year. What? You didn’t have one of those? Hum...why not? Let me guess…too busy? Were there just too many trips to the mall, functions to attend, people to buy for and client lunches to smile through to really enjoy the time? And, are you back at your desk, five pounds heavier, 27 hours short of sleep and vowing never, never to do that again?
If this sounds familiar, you just might be a charter member of the Perfection Party. That’s right, you heard me…now check your wallet for a membership card. The Perfection Party is chucked full of women (often previous members of the Little League of Perfect Girls) who spring out of bed every morning determined to ‘have it all’.
Be honest now. Are you trying to break the corporate glass ceiling, keep an immaculate house, raise brilliant, well-adjusted children, manage noteworthy community involvement, hunt down or hold on to a ‘soul mate’, max out your RSP contributions, sport the latest fashion, lustrous hair and white teeth - and the waistline you had at twenty one - all while deepening your spiritual practice? Come on…is that realistic? Seriously?
If you’re ready to give up your membership then consider re-deciding what you believe about what you really need to be content and fulfilled as you move through this part of your life.
Unless your core beliefs change-nothing changes. To change what you feel and do, you must first understand what you believe. Your belief system is everything you think about yourself, others and the world around you. Your beliefs fuel your mental engine, dictate your feelings and behaviors and provide the foundation for how you approach your world. Our beliefs are - in a word – powerful!
Belief systems are formed in childhood and acted out in adulthood. As children, we look around at what happens and draw conclusions about what it all means; these childhood conclusions become our adult belief systems. And - unless they’re challenged – they remain fixed. The best time to challenge your beliefs is around 35 – 55. By the time a woman has reached her mid point (and you can define that at any age you want) she is ready to take her beliefs out, dust them off and shine the bright light of maturity and experience on them.
So, what beliefs do you have that are affecting how you maintain balance – or not? What’s really important in your life? What are your top three values; those relationships, causes or pursuits that you simply must be part of to feel whole and alive? And, what would be a challenging, yet reasonable schedule for you now? It doesn’t really matter what Mom said or what the neighbors are doing. You get to decide what makes sense for you now. Start today to overhaul outdated, limiting beliefs and embrace 2008 with the clarity of an adult woman!
Peggy Grall is a Certified Executive coach. View her website at www.justchangeit.com
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